Korean Americans in same-sex relationships make their case for marriage as the California Supreme Court deliberates on whether such couples should have that right. In a state with its own checkered history on marriage discrimination, the truth is, this relatively young immigrant community, both families and the church, is still wrestling with accepting the same-sex part, let alone the marriage piece.

Jeff Kim and Curtis Chin say they’ve never really thought about what their own wedding would be like, though they’ve attended dozens of such ceremonies for friends and family members over the 14 years they’ve been together.

 

They haven’t had a commitment ceremony like other gay couples have, but did toy with the idea of throwing themselves a 10th anniversary party.

 

“We were gonna ask people to make up for all the weddings,” quips Kim.

 

“Yeah, for all the gifts we bought!” adds Chin. “The big joke is, we used to just say, on a pure financial level, it’s just not fair. We spend thousands of dollars on weddings, and we’re never gonna get that back!”

 

While it makes for a good punchline, the sentiment is an honest reflection of one of the nuances faced by committed same-sex partners who want to marry, but cannot in every state in the nation but Massachusetts.

 

Kim and Chin, residents of Los Angeles, feel like they have missed out on a social milestone that brings with it validation of their union, along with an outpouring of love and support.

 

“It’s societal, it’s traditional, it’s historical, it shows something’s beginning,” says Kim of marriage.

 

“You get hurt on a very personal level because you know that it’s something you’ll never be a part of,” says Chin.

 

Well, never say never. Pending before the California Supreme Court are four lawsuits — three filed by 23 same-sex couples and the fourth by the city of San Francisco — challenging the state’s current ban of same-sex marriage that resulted from Proposition 22. The 2000 ballot initiative, passed by 62 percent of the state’s voters at the time, defines marriage as a contract between a man and a woman.

 

But California’s high court, which has until June 2 to issue its rulings, may just overrule that and grant full marriage rights to gays and lesbians, say advocates. If that happens, supporters of same-sex marriage hope similar decisions in other states will follow.

 

Their high hopes are hinged in large part on the fact that this wouldn’t be the first time the state’s Supreme Court reversed statutes that permitted marriage discrimination. In fact, California has a unique history in this sense. It’s a history that has particular resonance for Asians in America because, like same-sex couples today, they were once denied the freedom to marry the person of their choice, if that person was of a different race.