DEAR DR. CLARA:

I recently had lunch with my brother and father when they broke out into an argument in a public restaurant. It was all about how my brother doesn’t want to go to college. My brother got up from his chair and threw his napkin down and started screaming at my father, calling him all kinds of names, while slamming his hand down on the table. My poor father just sat there and asked my brother calmly to sit down. To make things worse, my father’s boss was sitting a few tables down and heard everything as did the rest of the restaurant. My father was completely humiliated and embarrassed. I’m very hurt by my brother’s behavior. Do you think I should tell him?

> Public father bashing, Joan

 

DEAR JOAN:

No matter how intense and personal the issue was at the time, there was absolutely no excuse for your brother to lash out at your father in public. He made a scene, embarrassed your father, you and himself. Not to mention the fact that he disrupted other people’s lunch and humiliated your father in front of his boss.

You have every right to tell your brother how you feel. After all, he put you in a difficult spot. He owes you and your father an apology for his rude behavior, which was immature and selfish. Regardless of the disagreement, a restaurant is not an appropriate place to air out family problems. That should be done in private in respect for everyone. If you don’t have respect for your own family, you have none for yourself and others. Your brother has a lot to learn.

 

 

DEAR DR. CLARA:

I was recently invited to a VIP luncheon at the home of an ambassador to discuss important and sensitive business matters with prominent community members, which included CEOs, executives and bank managers. When lunch was served, the host invited her maid to join us for lunch. In normal settings, we would not have minded, but we all thought this was highly inappropriate, given the reason for the luncheon. This wasn’t about the fact that she was a maid. She didn’t belong there at the time. I would not have had my own daughter sit there. Another meeting has been scheduled at the host’s house and we don’t know how to inform her that there is such a thing as protocol. Do you have any advice?

> Luncheon with a maid, Janice

 

DEAR JANICE:

The host was indeed out of line for inviting her maid to join the lunch. If this were a casual event with just friends and family, I would understand, but at a VIP event with a specific agenda, protocol was absolutely necessary. It was highly inappropriate for the host to put her guests in an awkward and embarrassing situation. She definitely made an error and it reflected poorly on her image.