Dear Dr. Clara:

Last night, my mother-in-law brought me the surprise of my life. They were two kids, ages 4 and 5. Apparently, they are my husband’s children. He fathered them with two different women before he married me. But he told me he was never married and had no children. Needless to say, I’m in shock. Now, both my husband and my mother-in-law expect me to raise them and not have children of my own. They insist that it’s my duty. But I want to have my own kids. I am very angry with my husband, and I feel so betrayed. What do you think I should do?

> Surprise love children, Hanna

Dear Hanna:

You have every right to be angry. What a shocker!

Your husband and his mother blatantly lied to you. You’ve entered into this marriage under false pretenses, and they have no right to ask you not to have children of your own. That’s not up to them. What audacity!

You have choices, Hanna. If you want to have children of your own, you need to find another man who you can trust and won’t marry a woman to raise his children from other women. And you need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with people who expect and insist that you make enormous sacrifices, which you don’t need to do. And it is not your “duty” to do anything against your will.

Do what is right for you. Your husband and his mother are selfish and inconsiderate people. Go away for a few days if you have to. Talk to your family and people who care about you to get support. You need to recover from this shock first, and then make sound decisions you can live with for a long time.

Dear Dr. Clara:

A few weeks ago, I discovered a lump on my breast by complete accident. I am over 40, and I don’t know what to do. I am panicking because I think it’s cancerous, but I’m not sure. What do you think I should do?

> Horrified, Amy

Dear Amy:

It’s premature to panic. Let’s take it one step at a time. First of all, go see your doctor. She will most likely recommend a mammogram, which, by the way, you should be getting every year since you’re over 40. A mammogram will show if you have a lump or not. If there is, it is recommended that you do an ultrasound to see if the lump is fluid or solid, as 80 to 90 percent of lumps are benign. As your body changes and hormones shift, you will see lumps from time to time. So not all lumps are cancerous. However, you want to rule out the possibility, so make sure you discuss all your options with your doctor and possibly do a biopsy to determine if it is cancerous, or to remove it altogether. But don’t jump to any conclusions. And no matter what you do, don’t ignore the situation or go into denial. It’s best to face the situation head on and get it resolved. Then you’ll stay healthy and have peace of mind.