Dear Dr. Clara:

I’m growing distant from my family. I’m not sure why, but we don’t seem to connect, and I feel like an outsider. I’ve always been the “black sheep” in the family, and I know I’ve hurt them in the past. I’m very sad about this. They’ve always been there for me, but I feel like I need some distance. I feel like I’m being selfish and feel guilty. What do you think I should do?

> The outsider, Darryl

Dear Darryl:

There’s no need to feel guilty. You are simply going through growing pains. Family is a relationship, too, and it evolves as we grow older, and our experiences take us to different places intellectually and emotionally. But as you mentioned, you need some distance from your family to discover your own identity, so you can come back and share that with your family. If they have been there for you in the past, they will be there for you in the present and the future. Just let them know you’re going through a phase and to have some patience with you. For now, focus on your life. Find yourself and then come home.

Dear Dr. Clara:

I’m really fed up with my friends returning my calls after days or weeks and people who don’t return my e-mails unless they want something from me. I know they’re flakes, but if I got rid of them, I would have no one. And I need them. But I’m really getting sick of these fair-weather friends. What can I do?

> Sick of flakes, Jan

Dear Jan:

What do you mean you can’t live without these flakes? They’re not food or water. Clearly they are taking advantage of your kindness, so don’t let them. They are not your friends and you know that. So why put up with their crap? You can’t control how these people behave, but you can certainly control how you react to them. Get rid of these flakes who don’t deserve your attention. And then get some real friends. They’re out there. Find them and give them a chance.

Dear Dr. Clara:

My best friend and I recently decided to go into business. But we’re already having some issues over finances, and it’s putting a strain on our friendship and we’re growing apart. This makes me sad because my friend and I have known each other since kindergarten and have wonderful memories. Do you have any advice?

> Best friend lost, Janice

Dear Janice:

Oh man, don’t you know the cardinal rule about working with family and friends?! Never, I mean NEVER, go into business with friends or family. It seldom works and feelings are bound to get hurt down the road. It is hard to keep a professional relationship without getting emotional, and it will impact your business in a negative way. The risk is definitely too great all around.