I’ve always known my mom was funny, but my dad is surprising me more and more every day. I mean, my mom has always been the one to say the most inappropriate things to me like: “I’ve always told you to be the best, so if you decide to be a prostitute, be the best prostitute, not the kind that walk on 42nd Street, but the fancy ones that executives and presidents go for … but good luck with that, you’re too ugly.” Or after I taught my mom how to text message, I get the most random texts like: “i love you fatty,“ “i’m drunk,” “how you like the g-string? save for john.”

But my dad has turned over a new leaf or he’s finally revealing his new sense of humor to me. He came over to my new apartment the other day just to visit (I think to spy) and to give me a housewarming present. It was a framed piece of paper that had his handwriting in it. It read: “To Jane, Life is tough, It’s tougher if you are stupid. Love Ded” (he spelled it that way). Um … is he trying to hint at something? Oh, and the best lecture he has now decided to give me is “Eul Sanga! Good Korean girls don’t give it away easy. Make John work for it! Don’t give him anything because he cooks you dinner.” I DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE THINKS I’M GIVING AWAY! Oh dear I hope he doesn’t mean “knowledge.”

— Jane Kim