I’ve mentioned in the past how my family is a bit, um, for lack of a better word, “crazy.” My father called my brother’s girlfriend a “Nazi” because she’s part German, and assumed my ex-husband is an alcoholic (amazingly, he got that one right) because he’s Irish. And my mom, oh my lovely mom. She’s amazing, but tends to embarrass me by wearing the same velveteen teal dress that she’s had since the ‘70s and by giving me a bag of sex (dental dams, lubricant, condoms, etc.) whenever she has the opportunity.

You can understand why I’m very reluctant to introduce ANYONE to the family.

So John (boyfriend) flew over from Scotland for a week-long visit with yours truly. I’ve been kinda relieved that the only family member he’s met so far is my brother (who’s embarrassing, but in a cute nerdy way). But then it happened. I got a phone call two days before he was coming in. My brother tells me that it’s the Korean New Year on Sunday and apparently it’s really important because it’s my year: the year of the pig. I’m still “Miss Piggy” to my family mind you.

I cried a little, because John is going to be here. And OH MY GOD HE’S GOING TO MEET MY DAD!

But I am happy to say that all went surprisingly well. My mom was very pleased with him and kept … flirting with him. She said he has lovely eyes and has a really nice face, which means he’s, as she puts it, “a good boy.” My dad was well behaved. The only inappropriate question he asked was, “So you a musician? Are you big?” And he also told him, “Please speak slower, it’s hard to understand your language.”

The oddest moment of all, however, came when my father pushed me out of the way and elbowed me in the nose while hugging John.

I’m extremely relieved that John hasn’t chucked me after meeting my parents and that I won’t have to go through this again anytime soon.

Oh no, isn’t Buddha’s birthday coming up?

-Jane Kim