Dear Dr. Clara:

I am in my late 40s, and my worst fear in life is growing old and dying alone. You see, I’m not married, nor do I have any children. My parents died long ago, and I am an only child. I don’t really have any real friends because I work at home. Lately, my fear started to manifest through physical symptoms. I can’t sleep or eat, and I wake up in a panic that I am completely alone. How can I deal with this? I don’t want to end up alone. Please help.

> Afraid and alone, Henry

 

Dear Henry:

Believe it or not, the fear of growing old and dying alone is very common. And it isn’t limited to single people without children. But the fear is very real, and it can be dangerous, as it can cause panic, anxiety and at times even mild heart attacks.

Nobody wants to be alone, but sometimes we put up walls and defenses we are not aware of to protect us from pain, which we might have experienced when we were young. So, uncover some hidden reasons that might be hindering you from connecting with people. And to increase your chances of not being alone, you’ll have to open up your heart and take a risk.

Working at home alone is probably very isolating. So make a conscious effort to have activities outside. Join a club, volunteer for your favorite causes, attend church and look up your alumni associations. Call friends you’ve lost touch with and reach out to people you’d like to get to know. You have to make a real effort and do follow-ups and create opportunities for yourself. Like most things in life, it takes hard work, but it’s worth it. You won’t grow old and die alone if you don’t want to. The choice is really up to you.

 

 

Dear Dr. Clara:

A few days ago, my divorce was finalized, and I’m not sure how to handle it. I feel I should be celebrating, but on the other hand I feel sad and numb. I don’t know what to feel, and I haven’t told my family.

Sadly, my marriage and divorce were ordinary. I was married 10 years when I found out my husband was cheating on me with my hairdresser. How she cut my hair while screwing my husband is a mystery to me. Even though divorce is all too common these days, I feel absolutely alone. I don’t know how to get through all this.  Do you have any advice?

> Simply divorced, Janet

Dear Janet:

I can understand your ambivalent feelings. There is no such thing as an ordinary divorce. Each is unique to the individual involved. It is a painful experience for most people. Even under the best circumstances, divorce is traumatic. It’s considered the second most difficult experience in life, only after a death in the family. You’ve invested 10 years of your life on a relationship and a dream, and it is a real loss, so you should give yourself the opportunity to grieve. Go ahead and be angry and sad. It’s natural. Then, you can move on and start a new and better life.