Dear Dr. Clara:

My best friend and I have been inseparable since grade school and she is the truest friend I have. We went to a wedding together last week and found ourselves interested in the same man. I feel this man could be my soul mate. Unfortunately my friend feels the same way. I don’t want to lose my best friend, but I don’t want to lose my soul mate either. What should I do?

> Friend or soul mate, Cheri

 

Dear Cheri:

I’m afraid only you can decide who is more important to you.

But I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. It’s unfortunate that you and your friend fell for the same guy, but it’s only been one week so how do you know if he’s your soul mate? And by the way, have you considered how the guy feels? Did he ask one of you out or show any interest in either of you? I think you should give this matter some time and see how it develops naturally. There may not be a need for a major life-altering decision. 

 

 

Dear Dr. Clara:

My brother has suffered from depression throughout his life, but his condition is getting worse and I’m worried. He quit his job and stopped participating in activities. He lives alone, hardly eats anything and spends most of his days sleeping and watching TV. On top of that, our family discovered that an uncle killed himself due to depression several years ago. I’m afraid that his fate will be like my uncle’s. Could you tell me a little bit about depression and what I can do to help my brother? Thank you.

> Brother in depression, Dennis

 

Dear Dennis:

I’m glad you asked about depression. Although it is common, affecting more than 19 million Americans, it is one of the most misunderstood and overlooked disorders. Depression can be hereditary and your brother clearly shows symptoms of depression, such as loss of interest, hopelessness, hypersomnia and loss of appetite. 

What most people don’t realize is that depression is a disease of the body and the mind. Studies have shown that it can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain that affects our mood and behavior, disrupting our lifestyle and relationships.

The first thing you should do is talk to your brother. Depression is an isolating disease and your brother should not feel alone. Encourage him to seek therapy. I also recommend that your brother get a complete physical from a physician to rule out any medical condition that could be causing the depression. If there isn’t a medical condition, seek a good psychologist. Due to your family history, your brother should also be assessed for suicide immediately. Also, you shouldn’t handle this alone so recruit the support of your family and friends and approach your brother and the depression with understanding and compassion.