Dear Dr. Clara:

I just found out that my 70-year-old father is hooked on going to a local sauna and massage place where young girls wearing nothing but bikinis indulge in groping men in unmentionable areas and then eventually seduce them for money. My mother has told him not to go, but he won’t listen. What do you think I should do?

> Massage daddy, Helen

Dear Helen:

I know it’s disturbing to see your mother in pain, but this is not your business. It’s between your father and mother, and they need to work this out between themselves.

Those kinds of massage parlors specialize in exciting men of all ages, and ultimately empty out their pockets. It’s a racket. Instead of getting mad, research the massage parlor and make sure it is licensed and legitimate. Also see if it has had past complaints and violations. The parlor might be doing something illegal in which you can take action. That could enlighten your father, and you’ll be doing everybody a favor.

Dear Dr. Clara:

I have the most aggravating parents in the world. There isn’t a single day when they don’t call to nag or criticize me. They always have something negative to say, and it always brings me down. When I try to defend myself, they give me the guilt trip and say that I’m a bad son and a loser. Even when I moved to another state, they sent me faxes, e-mails, letters and left dozens of messages at work and at home. They are the single most annoying problem in my life, and I can’t take it any more. Do you have any advice?

> Nightmare parents, Henry

Dear Henry:

I have news for you Henry: You don’t have the most aggravating parents in the world. I’ve heard worse. There is no one harder to change than parents. Many are set in their ways, and they are stubborn about the way their children should be brought up and behave. So expecting them to change will only give you gray hair, so don’t. It’s quite futile.

If you haven’t yet, sit down and tell them about your aggravation. Tell them how much their comments and behavior are hurting you. Give them the guilt trip for a change. If they don’t listen, which is usually the case, write them a very long letter and set some boundaries and even give them a schedule of when they can call or visit. And the next time you move, don’t give them your address, phone number, e-mail or fax number until they behave themselves. Don’t be so accessible, and it will send a message to them. Also try making a realistic agreement and compromise a bit, but make sure you set some boundaries so they don’t walk all over you. Good luck.