Dear Clara:

I dated my boyfriend for many years before we got married, so I thought I knew him well. But on our wedding night, he insisted that I wash his feet! At first, I thought he was joking, but then he got angry, saying that it was a serious Korean custom. Since I’m not Korean, I checked with every Korean friend I knew, including his sister, and they all said they’ve never heard of this feet-washing custom. Besides, there was nothing in the wedding vows that said I had to wash his feet every night. When I refused, he said I was being a bad wife, and he stopped talking to me. I knew marriage was going to be a challenge, but I didn’t expect this. What should I do?

> Anti-feet washing, Sara

Dear Sara:

You didn’t marry a man, you married a spoiled brat! Unfortunately, you will have to educate him. Make a deal: If he wants his feet washed, he will have to wash yours, too. If not, I guess you will have a very quiet marriage. He may be testing you as well, so decide what kind of a marriage you want from the start and act wisely. I guess you never truly know anybody until the wedding night. Good luck.

Dear Clara:

I’m one of those people who look tough on the outside, but I’m weak-hearted on the inside. Ever since I was a child, I’ve been used and taken advantage of by people because I always trust them and give them what they want. I’ve lent people my homework, money, clothes and more. But I wonder if I’m not just plain stupid. Is there some way I can be strong and not be so stupid?

> Forever pushover, Hank

Dear Hank:

I can certainly sympathize with you, as I’ve been a pushover a few times myself. But the way I look at it, you’re not stupid at all. You are what I call a kind and giving soul. And the last time I looked, people like you were in short supply. Being strong doesn’t mean making people feel bad. Do you think you would feel good taking advantage of or hurting people? I don’t think so. The real “stupid” people are the ones who take things from you. They may think they are being smart, but they are really cheating themselves. How stupid is that?! Just be more cautious when giving people things, but don’t beat yourself up about it. They are just things. It may seem out of fashion these days to be kind and giving, but remember, being truly strong means being compassionate. It’s a rare gift, and you’ve got it.

Dear Clara:

I have become a hermit and a recluse. I’m not sure how I’ve become this way, but I seldom leave the house except to walk my dog and go grocery shopping. I also don’t see anybody, except for my family. I make my living working on the Internet, so I don’t have to interact with anyone or go outside. I try to convince myself that I’m content and happy, but I find myself crying every night. What can I do?